


Heal My Mind

by Hvalross



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Abuse, Addiction, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Doctor/Patient, Drama, Drama & Romance, Drug Addiction, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Humor, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Murder, Physical Abuse, Psychology, Recovery, Romance, Sad, Sex, Sexual Abuse, Smut, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-29 05:53:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13920771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hvalross/pseuds/Hvalross
Summary: Judar has suffered greatly at the hands of his abusive adoptive mother. On the verge of breaking, he seeks help for the first time and is placed into the hands of a Psychologist that is brand new to her field. Determined to help him, Kenmei finds herself dug into a hole of passion and pain deeper than she could have ever imagined. Judar x Kenmei (OC) focused. Dark/Romance with very touchy issues and situations mentioned. Please read tags for warnings. Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic Modern AU





	1. Deafening

It was deafening. 

Not the sound from the gun that trembled in his hand, but the silence that followed it. 

It was like a high-pitched screeching in his ear, digging into his brain and numbing every inch of his body. 

The sound was painful. 

But he sure it wasn’t nearly as painful as the bullet that had struck her. 

_That bitch._

To his surprised, she was still struggling, gasping for breath as she rolled over, clutching her bleeding side. 

_Please stop,_ she begged. _Please don’t do this._

The gun trembled more in his grip. 

Once more. Twice. Five times, until the gun clicked in his hand with no response. 

He wasn’t sure how many bullets he had put into her, though he wished he had more. 

Even if he did, no amount of bullets could make up for his suffering. 

The ring of the last bullet resonated in his mind for a moment, following by the clack of the gun dropping to the floor. 

It wasn’t of use to him anymore. 

Feeling a warmth between his ice-cold toes, he pulled his eyes away from the fresh corpse, watching as the dark crimson blood seeped under his skin.

It matched his eyes.

As the thick liquid seeped between his toes, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. 

He had done it. 

He had finally done it. 

That bitch was finally dead. 

She was dead. 

She was dead. 

_She was dead._

Bringing his trembling hands up to tangle into his own hair, he gripped it tightly as realization began to hit him. Taking a few steps back from the corpse, an overwhelming rush of adrenaline began to pulse through his body. It made his body shake and his stomach twist, his heart pounding so violently he knew it was going to burst through his chest. 

What was he supposed to do with this feeling? He couldn’t handle it, he had to get it out. 

So he screamed. 

He collapsed to his knees, still gripping his hair as he screamed as loudly as he could. Doubling over, he brought his arms down to hug himself instead, his screaming gradually morphing into hysterical sobbing. 

What had he just done? 

He had wanted freedom from her, but now he knew that freedom would forever elude him. 

Unless.

Gasping for breath as he stared wide-eyed at the grey carpeted floor, he realized that _she_ could help him. 

Forcing himself to stand, he left the room on shaking legs, having to use the wall to support himself. 

He knew that she would understand, that she was the only one who knew what he had gone through. 

She loved him, after all. She had said it. 

Picking up his phone with uneasy hands, he found her name and pressed the phone to call her. 

_“Hello?”_

“Hey… It’s me.” 

_“Judar? What’s the matter, you sound upset.”_

“I’m not. I just need you to come here… Please.” 

_“To your house? But you told me it wasn’t safe for me to come.”_

“It is now. I… It’s fine now. Mei, please.” 

_Silence._

“Mei?” 

_“Okay, okay. Judar… Did something happen?”_

Click. He couldn’t do it. 

And then he heard it again. 

The silence. 

It was still deafening.


	2. A Bit Mental

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: Nanami and Sun Li are owned by [Kavaro](https://kavaro.deviantart.com/). I have special permission to use them in this story.

Kenmei signed as she stared at the door in front of her, nervously tapping her fingers against the folders that rested in her hands. Walking through a door, what a mundane thing to be scared of. There was nothing ominous about it, just a regular wooden door with a golden plaque that said her name on it. It was brand-new, a slight shine coming off the metal, reflected from the sunrays coming through a nearby window. So mundane, and yet so terrifying. She had already gone through this door many times to set up her office, but today was different. It was her first real day with no one to coach her, and the plaque on the door should give her reassurance that she was ready.

But instead, she felt anxious. Was she actually ready for this, to help these people without any guidance? Years of schooling, internships and practice under her belt should have made her feel more confident, but it did little to quell the churning of her stomach. In fact, she felt like she needed guidance right now, someone to take her hand and tell her it was okay to enter the door. She felt a bit pathetic, being so scared to begin something she had worked so hard for. Rational thought told her that she was ready for this, but her anxiety about starting the day clouded her mind. 

She gave a small jump as the door across the room opened and another person walked in, instantly feeling silly for being startled. The woman who entered gave a small gasp as well, startled on her own by Kenmei’s reactions. “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to barge in so loudly!” The tall redheaded woman that had pulled Kenmei from her thoughts smiled at her, adjusting the purse on her shoulder a she headed towards a different door in the large room. Kenmei shook her head, her face flushing from embarrassment. “N-No Li, you didn’t. I had just been thinking, you know how I get sometimes. I drift off.” She looked back at her door, a bit glad for the interruption, as it cleared her mind of the anxious thoughts. 

Sun Li gave a small laugh as she opened her door. “Don’t think so much, Mei, really. It will just make you nervous. You’re ready for this.” Kenmei looked back over towards her, giving a small nod as she clutched her folders closer to her chest. “Right… You’re not going to dump all of the patients on me today, are you?” Li laughed again, a sly smile crossing her face. “No, no. But I did make sure that your appointments were at least decently full. Can’t have you getting bored, now.” She gave her a wink, her orange eyes sparkling with a bit of mischief as she headed inside of her office, the door shutting behind her. 

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she looked back at the gleaming plaque on her door. _Damn it._ she thought. _I knew she was going to do that. I had hoped she would make it an easy first day for me…_ Though she had wished for a slow first day, she should have expected otherwise. This clinic was created for people who could not afford help, for anyone that needed guidance on their troubles. They took both walk-ins and appointments here, and Kenmei had often seen the waiting room full of people on busy days. Thankfully, because she was just starting, Kenmei had the chance to work as appointment only for a little while until she got settled. 

That thought eased her mind a bit. At least this way, she knew who was going to be coming in. In fact, she needed to get a chance to see before the day started. Everything was already loaded up in her computer, all she had to do was go inside. _Just go inside._ Kenmei mentally yelled at herself, slowly reaching her hand out. With a shaking grip, she took hold of the metal door know, a bit shocked at how ice cold it was. After a few more deep breaths, Kenmei turned the knob and pushed her way inside, eyes shut tightly, as if she were going to be met with some horrible monster on the other side. 

After stepping through the door, she allowed it to shut behind her, finally opening her eyes at the sound of it closing. This room, she had been in it so much already, but now it was made up with her own personal touches. Though it was a bit girly, she had made it as comfortable as she could for anyone who would be visiting her for help. She began to make her way over to the desk on the left side of the room, observing the black leather couch and blue plush chair in the middle as she passed them by. The chair was for her to sit on during sessions, while the couch was meant for her patience. On it was a large fluffy blue blanket with multiple pillows. 

Beside it sat a small side table, with a box of tissues and a small crate filled with different stress toys or objects for people to mess with. She had great success with patience feeling more comfortable with something to play with, so she made sure to have a nice variety. As she reached her desk, she pulled her purse off from around her shoulders and placed it on the floor beside her after placing down the files in her hands. Before sitting, she took in a deep breath to calm herself, looking around the room once again. Everything seemed to be in place and ready to go, all she had to do now was get herself in the right mindset. 

Kenmei knew that she had to be ready for these people. She was to be there support and guidance, she couldn’t let her nervousness get in her way. _What’s first, what’s first…_ She scanned her eyes across her currently neat and tidy desk until her eyes landed on a small flip calendar that rested to her left. _Oh, emails and what’s on my agenda today, right._ Scooting herself closer to her desk, she got logged into her computer. All her stalling outside of her office had put her behind quite a bit, and she knew that she was going to have to rush, now, to be prepared for her first appointment. 

All the patients on her schedule were brand new to the clinic, none having pervious records transferred in. She felt more comfortable with this, glad that Li had given her all brand-new cases instead of putting her on one that had already been seen by others in the clinic. In total, there were five psychologists in this clinic, and Kenmei was close friends with one of them. Sun Li, who had been able to help her get this job and was now her boss. In truth, it made Kenmei nervous to have someone she’s known for years as a friend be her supervisor, but she also felt like it was a bit of a blessing. 

The other three Kenmei had met a few times but hadn’t really had many conversations with them. She didn’t mind that, however, as she wasn’t exactly a social butterfly herself. The only other person she got along with in the clinic was the secretary Nanami. She was extremely social, bubbly and so kind to those that came into the clinic seeking help. Kenmei had clicked with her almost immediately when she came here for her internship, in fact, and they had been good friends ever sense. Thinking of this made Kenmei feel a bit bummed out that she hadn’t seen her that morning, but she knew she would at some point. 

“Okay, let’s see…” Kenmei began to scroll through those that were on her agenda for the day. Six people, each having scheduled between one to two hours with her that day. Five of the six had given exact reasons as to why they wanted to be seen, but one of them had refused to give any information according to Nanami’s notes. Kenmei thought that this was interesting, as usually most people are willing to say what is wrong with them when searching for help. Feeling curious, she opened this person’s profile, wanting to see if there was anything that might prepare her for his appointment. 

“Judar…” She spoke the name softly, finding it to be quite interesting. None of his information except for his name, age, address and phone number was filled out, and there was no scanned image of a photo identification attached to his profile, either, like Kenmei was used to. Though it was odd, it wasn’t very strange, as some people just didn’t have a form of identification, either due to age or just never obtaining a license to drive. Though she had seen some with extreme cases of abuse that prevented them from obtaining it, and she hoped that this wasn’t this case for this person. Thankfully, his appointment was in the middle of the day, so she didn’t have to worry about him too much at this point. Moving on, she closed out of the profile and began to observe her first patient of the day. 

…

“Thank you for coming in, I will see you next week.” Kenmei smiled sweetly at her patient as they left her office with a nervous shuffle. As the door clicked shut, she flopped to sit down in her office chair, pulling herself in closer to her desk as she reached for her coffee. Taking a sip, she glanced over her computer screen, looking at the profile of the patient she had just met with. All the words looked like jumbled nonsense, her mind sluggish with exhaustion. She couldn’t believe that she was so exhausted already, and she still had three more patients to go. Placing the cup down, she looked instead down at the written notes. _So much to enter in manually,_ she thought. _I wonder if I can scan it into the system instead like Nanami showed me._

Just as she thought of her friend, she heard a light knock at her door. Closing the notepad to keep her notes hidden, she looked up at the door. “Yes?” As the door clicked open, a small petite girl with pale blue hair poked her head inside, wide smile on her face. “Hey, how’s it going so far?” Kenmei sighed, returning the smile with an exhausted one of her own. “Not bad, not bad. How’s it outside?” Nanami gave a frustrated groan, hanging her head a bit. “Oh my gosh, there are so many people out here. Oh! By the way, your next patient is early. He asked me right as your other patient left if he could just come inside.”

A small frown crossing her face, Kenmei looked at her agenda still up on her computer. “You mean Judar? How long has he been out there?” Nanami shrugged, lavender eyes glancing around as she thought. “I’d say a few hours.” Kenmei felt her stomach instantly clinch in shock, beginning to feel anxious about meeting him. “A few hours?” Nanami nodded, lowering her voice as she took a quick glance behind her. “He’s an interesting one. What do you think? He’s scheduled for two hours, and he still has another thirty minutes before it’s even his time.” 

Nervously fixing her hair as she stared at her computer screen, she was silent for a moment before giving a nod. “It’s fine. Go a head and let him in.” With a quick thumbs-up, Nanami ducked back outside. Before the door could close, Kenmei could hear her bubbly voice call Judar’s name. Trying to control her nervousness, Kenmei opened up her notebook to a clear page, scrawling Judar’s name at the top of the page with a shaking hand. Before she could finish writing the date, the door handle giggled before clicking open. 

Putting a soft smile on her face, Kenmei began to stand, looking up towards the door as it opened. “Hello! Judar, is it?” As she gazed upon him, she had to force herself from becoming panicked. Immediately, she could tell that this was going to be a hard case. The tall, thin man stood nervously near the door, rubbing the back of his neck as he glanced around. It wasn’t his clothing that hat put Kenmei off at first, his distressed, hole filled black shirt and jeans were nothing of a shock to her. 

Was really caught her eye was not only the fact that he was barefoot, but also his long black hair, tied into a braid all the way down to his ankles. She had never seen anything like it, and though it was fascinating, she couldn’t help but wonder what made him keep it that long. Was it something that helped him cope, or was he forced to keep it long? Or was it just the mundane fact that he liked long hair? In truth, she felt a bit silly for analyzing his hair like this, but she couldn’t help but be curious. All these details about him isn’t what set off her worry, however. It was the way he carried himself, shoulders a bit hunched over, standing close to the door like he was ready to dash out of there at a second’s notice if anything set him off. 

Then his eyes. 

As he finally gazed upon her, his attention drawn to her by her welcome, Kenmei could see it. His crimson eyes, devoid of emotion. She had only seen that look very few times, and each time was a major problem case or someone they just could not help. His pale skin and the prominent purple bags under his eyes gave away his obvious exhaustion, though he still cracked a causal smile at her greeting. “Yeah, it is.” He seemed almost amused at the question, reaching up to run his hand through the messy flop of hair that rested atop his head. After disturbing it, it fell back into it’s place, as if he had never disturbed it in the first place. 

Kenmei cleared her throat a bit as she came out from behind her desk, trying her best to not let her nervousness show. Smile still on her face, she stopped once she reached him, holding her hand out in greeting. “It’s nice to meet you.” A look of discomfort crossed Judar’s features as he gazed upon her hand, shaking his head as he held up his hands in defense. “Uh, no thanks.” Leaving Kenmei in a bit of a shocked state, he walked further into the room, his braid swishing behind him slightly as he looked around. 

Bringing her shaking hand back to herself, she gripped onto her notebook tightly, taking in a breath as she calmed herself. _Relax, don’t take that personally, he probably has a germ problem._ She followed him into the room, allowing him to look around. “Please, take a seat on the couch when you’d like. You’re a bit early, so we can either start early or you can wait in here until your time?” Judar didn’t look at her as she spoke, scratching his arm a bit as his eyes landed on the blue chair he stopped next to. Finding it more appealing than the couch, he flopped down into it, pulling his legs up to sit cross legged in it. “Whatever, I don’t really care.” 

Kenmei was about to say something about him sitting in her chair, but stopped herself, the words catching in her throat from her nerves. What could she really do about that? He was obviously suffering from something, though what she didn’t have a clue. “Oh, okay. Well, I have some notes to finish up really quick from my last patient, would you be okay waiting a second?” Judar only took a quick glance at her before his eyes fell on the blanket across from him on the couch. “Sure, if you give me that blanket over there.” 

Hesitating for a moment, Kenmei walked over and took the blanket, handing it to him. Judar mumbled a thanks before he spread the blanket over himself, sinking himself down further into the chair and turning to the side. He put his long legs over one arm rest while his head rested on the other, a loud yawn escaping his lips. “Wake me when it’s time.” Within seconds of becoming comfortable, he was snoring lightly. Completely bewildered, Kenmei could only stare at him from her spot. _What just happened? Is this guy for real?_

As quietly as she could, she headed back over to her desk and took a seat, still staring at the man sleeping soundly in her chair in the middle of her office. She knew she was supposed to be there a support for people who needed help, but this was just completely out of her comfort zone. Even those with severe anger issues had never treated her like that, but she knew that there had to be a reason for this. Working with this man was probably going to take all of her patience, and she could only hope that he would leave her some to spare.


End file.
